P. S. I Wrote This

I wonder if you know that there are days when I feel empty and lost, days where I do not understand how to keep moving through life at all. There are days when I cannot express what I feel, when emotions sit heavy in silence and nothing about life makes sense to me. There are days when I feel content with everything around me, and then there are days when anxiety wraps itself around my thoughts. There are days when the unknown future terrifies me, and then there are days when I pause, breathe in and out, and whisper to myself that everything is happening for a reason, that somehow, everything is working in my favor. There are days when I do not know where to look for help, when everything feels dark and distant. There are days when I do not understand life at all, and there are also days when I am finally okay with not understanding it at all. I wonder if you know… That my mind overshares every fear with me until I lose my sense of calm. That sometimes it feels like anxiety is just a t...

The world sees laughter upon my face,  yet fears the pain my heart embraces. How can I hand my heart away, when nothing inside me chose to stay? What once was mine, they tore apart, piece by piece, they stripped my heart. And what remains so bruised and torn, no longer wishes to beat till dawn Still, in this chaos, I survive, hoping someday I'll feel alive but every evening fades to grey, and every night loses its taste away. The ones who were meant to be my own, still left me feeling so alone. And now they say with careless eyes, "love again...perhaps this time."

The route from the main street to my home was long, so I decided to take shortcut to go home. Now here I am walking through the alley. It isn't completely dark yet, the street lights around the corner kinda make me feel safe. Usually I take bus after my work but since I got off early from my job I decided to walk home. The breeze of cool air made me shiver. The streets had warehouses and the buildings were still under construction. Men were shouting and cursing to get their duty done quickly. I was observing everything around me when someone tapped me on my leg. I turned around to see a child who held out a purple flower to me. I took the flower from his hand and looked at him questionably. He just pointed towards someone behind me. Turning my head to where the boy pointed, I saw no one that could possibly send me flower. I faced towards the small guy who handed me the flower only to see he was no longer standing in front of me. I took a look at the flower. It was as...

His words cut deep like a sword, That was never meant to be cured. She was left heart broken, The feeling of love for a moment was forgotten. She has been let down so many times, Now he was the one who committed this crime. He had no mercy for her feelings, There were times when she thought of leaving. Her heart is a gambler, It doesn't allow her to make their memories blur What was she gonna do? If only something good happened out of the blue!

There's something about him that makes me lose myself, Is it his charm that drags me to him? I know I can't be his choice, But in my head there's a voice. The Idea of us being together amazes me. The butterflies in my stomach don't let me free. Just seeing him somehow makes my world bright. He knows I just can't let him out of my sight What If there's a parallel universe? I think the way I am is a curse But maybe in that world he'll be mine, Let's just forget, I am not crossing the line!

The more I see it, the more I think of my flaws, Is it a scar that I draw? The idea of being perfect amazes me; I wonder how girls are so carefree? Sometimes I wonder if it's beautiful, Or is my work of art pitiful? The way I see it makes me ashamed. Who are the ones to be blamed?

He stood there, With a smile on his face. His smile was full of life, It made my world so bright. His smile gave me comfort, In that moment, I realised this was home - he was home. At night, I was snuggled against him, His breathing was slow. I was at peace Out of every place I'd ever been to - every home I'd ever lived in, He was by far my favourite, This was home - He was home. With him by my side, I didn't want anything else. He was my peace He was my person - my light He was my sanity He was my knight in the dark He was my home.

Your soul was holding me hostage, I was afraid you'd go on a rampage. You have been my captor for a few years now, Tell me your intentions and decisions somehow. The whispers in my mind don't allow me to live. There's so much to say but nothing to give. I want to find a comfort of home in your arms; But I am not sure, What If you'll cause me harm? My mind always searches for the actual ME, But my heart never allows me to be free. You are my captor  and I am your hostage, Tell me when I will be free from your cage?

I kept walking but there was nothing. The darkness was consuming me. I fell on my knees, holding my head, as the sound pierced my ears, ringing throughout my head so loudly I begged for it to stop. I laid down on the dark surface; curling my knees into my chest but the sound of bell never faded. I screamed at the top of my lungs My body began to ache, a cry begging to escape my throat as I felt the darkness press against me, threatening to swallow me whole. Just as I was about to give up, to sink in this place and let the darkness win, I saw a flicker of brightness around me. The more I focused towards the brightness, the bigger it grew. There was a voice calling out my name, I got up and followed the voice, walking blindly around the brightness. I heard the voice again Who is that? I kept walking, but there was nothing there. The sound of bell was still echoing around me. The only hope I had was the voice but it was slowly fading. There was no way to escape this. T...

Warning ⚠- Not meant for someone going through Suicidal Thoughts and Depression! ‘Come on do it! You don't have to stop.’ Tears pooled out of her eyes, The demons which always got her mind She tried to stay strong, But the whispers always got her way wrong. ‘You need to do it,No one loves you’ That caught her attention. Which resulted in self - destruction, The pool of blood kept flowing, Which she stared glowering. It calls her closer, it calls her near- ‘Just once and it will be over’ Death whispered in her ear. Irresistible is a sweet entice, Staring down, Which one first to slice? She observes her previous tries Her unseen hurt and earlier cries No peace in her mind, no peace in her head. ‘Just be still, just be brave’; She slashed down with an improvised knife, Blood oozes and drips down the drain A slight tingle,but no real pain. Her head feels heavy, she gets dizzy and her legs go weak. Darkness surrounds her, She embraces the darkness,then...

She was afraid, Her room had some kind of dark shade. There was a voice inside her head, 'Come with me my love' it said. She was terrified, There was no place to hide. The voice inside her head grew loud, For the first time, enochlophobic wished there was crowd. She was shivering, The voice was slowly differing. 'It's time to get going' it said; She was found on the floor next day dead.

I remember how it all started- The way we talked about anything openhearted, Things were changing rapidly, And I was falling for you madly. The promises which you made, I was the only one who obeyed. 'Distant Feeling' was just a word, Now it cuts my heart like an open sword. I wonder why I was Attached? It left me broken and detached. I try to collect the pieces of my heart, And I think if I could restart.

It was a bright day, The child in the woman wanted to play. Sighing, she realized she couldn't go out, The thought of it made her pout. Sitting and staring at the wall, Last few encounters made her skin crawl. The thought of being free, Made her wonder who was she. She was looking for happiness, The thought of never getting out of brothel made her distress. She wanted a perfect life, So she used her bobby pin as a knife.

The numbness is kicking in, Her head starts to spin, She wants to forget everything; But memories hurt her like a bee's sting She's at peace, Her energy starts to decrease, She wants an escape- The influence made her jump from a skyscape.

One line, two lines, The razor in her hand shines. Her blood oozes, Killing herself is an option she chooses. Her head is spinning, The dark side of her is winning. Her eyes are sore, She closes her eyes on the floor.

She was lost, The punishment she gave herself made her exhaust. Her body was badly bruised, In a pool of her own blood - she was unconscious and confused. All the truth and the pain, Made her learn to hope again. Now, she fights for a fairy tale, As her past was nothing but stale. She's a fighter; Because she knows someday the things will be brighter. She's unbreakable. Like a diamond she's unbendable.

I saw a monster, who lived in a youngster. It was trying to control him, The expression on his face was full of grim. He was afraid. The happiness in his life was starting to fade. 'There has to be an escape!' He thought; Then looked in the mirror, distraught. His eyes danced with darkness, A soul was becoming heartless. The guy who lived to the fullest, Shot himself with a bullet.