The Melancholy I Call Home

I wonder if you know
that there are days when I feel empty and lost,
days where I do not understand how to keep moving through life at all.

There are days when I cannot express what I feel,
when emotions sit heavy in silence
and nothing about life makes sense to me.

There are days when I feel content with everything around me,
and then there are days when anxiety wraps itself around my thoughts.

There are days when the unknown future terrifies me,
and then there are days when I pause, breathe in and out,
and whisper to myself
that everything is happening for a reason,
that somehow, everything is working in my favor.

There are days when I do not know where to look for help,
when everything feels dark and distant.

There are days when I do not understand life at all,
and there are also days when I am finally okay with not understanding it at all.

I wonder if you know…

That my mind overshares every fear with me
until I lose my sense of calm.

That sometimes it feels like anxiety is just a trigger waiting to be pulled.

That there are days when I want to do everything
and nothing at the same time.

I wonder if you know
that most days, I feel like I know nothing at all.

And sometimes,
when my thoughts grow too loud,
I wander into the darkest place I know.